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This is the date the world ends: 12-22-12
Days, hours, minutes, seconds. Everything is ticking away until the inevitable comes. I choose to believe we are not racing towards our end, however, and that there will be some chain of events, some miracle, that will mean salvation for the human race as we know it.
Until that day, I cannot stop feeling as if I am racing against time. There is too much to do, too much life left to live, and not enough time to do it. I am leery of sharing too much regarding what Mulder and I have found out during our attempts to remain as hidden as possible, but it does afford me some glimmer of hope that we have not been sentenced to an unimaginable fate. Still, I hear the clock ticking, I feel every second slipping away from me in a rush like sand through my fingers.
I want to stop feeling as if I am running for my life from some unseen enemy who is simply awaiting the moment when I stop long enough for them to pounce. But whereas I want to stop because it will mean we, the global 'we,' are safe, I think Mulder wants to stop for a different reason. I never tell him this, but I worry that there is a part of him that welcomes the invasion simply because it will mean he can resign himself to his fate. I feel as if I am a traitor for even thinking that, let alone recording it, yet that doesn't lessen my fear. Could he be so tired, he's simply ready to give up? I refuse to believe that because it would be unlike the man I've come to love and admire. He would never give up.
But, then again, he's done some things that have surprised even me.
Days, hours, minutes, seconds. Everything is ticking away until the inevitable comes. I choose to believe we are not racing towards our end, however, and that there will be some chain of events, some miracle, that will mean salvation for the human race as we know it.
Until that day, I cannot stop feeling as if I am racing against time. There is too much to do, too much life left to live, and not enough time to do it. I am leery of sharing too much regarding what Mulder and I have found out during our attempts to remain as hidden as possible, but it does afford me some glimmer of hope that we have not been sentenced to an unimaginable fate. Still, I hear the clock ticking, I feel every second slipping away from me in a rush like sand through my fingers.
I want to stop feeling as if I am running for my life from some unseen enemy who is simply awaiting the moment when I stop long enough for them to pounce. But whereas I want to stop because it will mean we, the global 'we,' are safe, I think Mulder wants to stop for a different reason. I never tell him this, but I worry that there is a part of him that welcomes the invasion simply because it will mean he can resign himself to his fate. I feel as if I am a traitor for even thinking that, let alone recording it, yet that doesn't lessen my fear. Could he be so tired, he's simply ready to give up? I refuse to believe that because it would be unlike the man I've come to love and admire. He would never give up.
But, then again, he's done some things that have surprised even me.
