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(127) Chance encounter
There was a moment in time, not all that long ago, when a certain set of circumstances led me to make the acquaintance of a woman named Colleen. She shared with me beliefs that opened my eyes and my mind in ways I had never before thought possible. These things, these tiny bits of truth, stayed with me long after she revealed them to me, and I learned that it was necessary for me to approach the duty of living with a much altered perspective. While the specifics of what she shared with me won't be delved into in such an open forum, I will say that my encounter with her changed my life.
When I began to see things differently, to see the ways in which the world operated, I allowed myself to make decisions that I was certain were meant to be made. It was as if every connection between everything that exists was leading me down the path my life eventually took. My affair with Mulder, the birth of my son, and our eventual escape from a literal death sentence for the man I loved were all meant to be. But then, not only did my romantic relationship end, but I had been forced to surrender my son to an adoptive family in order to guarantee his safety. How could my life have possibly been destined to end this way? I found it harder and harder to accept the notion that I had been mistaken at every turn, and I refused to believe that nothing true or good could flourish in the debris of my life.
These years that Mulder and I have spent in hiding have led us both to realize truths about ourselves that never would have been revealed had we continued about our normal lives. While these revelations are nothing when compared to the gargantuan task that lies ahead of us - that of saving the planet - it does bring me some peace of mind that everything did have some sort of purpose. To anyone else, I'm sure that what I've discovered is meaningless, at best, but if I may allow myself the indulgence of self-absorption, it's important to me that I no longer deny that which should have been obvious sooner. Mulder is fond of ridiculing me for my "self-discovery," but I think that's only because he's not yet ready to accept his own. (There's a lot of late night talking and sharing that takes place when you think you're with the only other person on the planet you can trust.)
Perhaps all of this is simply a way for me to justify the decisions I made and really has nothing to do with any grand universal schemes or the way fate appears to toy with us. Perhaps I'm using this topic to come out in the open. I only know that I'm sure who I am, now, and if Colleen were standing in front of me, I would kiss her.
499 words
When I began to see things differently, to see the ways in which the world operated, I allowed myself to make decisions that I was certain were meant to be made. It was as if every connection between everything that exists was leading me down the path my life eventually took. My affair with Mulder, the birth of my son, and our eventual escape from a literal death sentence for the man I loved were all meant to be. But then, not only did my romantic relationship end, but I had been forced to surrender my son to an adoptive family in order to guarantee his safety. How could my life have possibly been destined to end this way? I found it harder and harder to accept the notion that I had been mistaken at every turn, and I refused to believe that nothing true or good could flourish in the debris of my life.
These years that Mulder and I have spent in hiding have led us both to realize truths about ourselves that never would have been revealed had we continued about our normal lives. While these revelations are nothing when compared to the gargantuan task that lies ahead of us - that of saving the planet - it does bring me some peace of mind that everything did have some sort of purpose. To anyone else, I'm sure that what I've discovered is meaningless, at best, but if I may allow myself the indulgence of self-absorption, it's important to me that I no longer deny that which should have been obvious sooner. Mulder is fond of ridiculing me for my "self-discovery," but I think that's only because he's not yet ready to accept his own. (There's a lot of late night talking and sharing that takes place when you think you're with the only other person on the planet you can trust.)
Perhaps all of this is simply a way for me to justify the decisions I made and really has nothing to do with any grand universal schemes or the way fate appears to toy with us. Perhaps I'm using this topic to come out in the open. I only know that I'm sure who I am, now, and if Colleen were standing in front of me, I would kiss her.
499 words