Thoughts on beginnings

As I sit here, staring a a blank screen, I find myself at a momentary loss for words. This is all very strange to me. Obviously, no more so than any of the wonderous, inexplicable things I saw while working with Mulder, John and Monica, but still strange in its own right. Why I have trouble believing that a place such as this could exist is beyond me, considering all that I've seen and done in my life. Of course, if you asked Mulder, he'd smile and say that he wouldn't expect anything less from me. There are some parts of my nature that will never be completely changed. Initial skepticism is most definitely one.

Mulder told me about this little world; this seeming safe haven where the record of my thoughts wouldn't be monitored and used as a way to track my whereabouts. But it took some convincing before I agreed to join him here. I have no way of knowing what lies in store for me in this place, in the same way that no one person can ever know what the future holds. I only know that after years of being afraid to stop and share even a small part of myself with strangers, I'm ready to once again enter a world of the unknown.

With extreme caution and my weapon drawn, of course.

This is not happening

Mulder called and said he had something to tell me. While I haven't felt any trepidation when he says that, lately - in the past few months, anyway - for some reason, a chill went down my spine at the sound of his voice. I knew that it wasn't going to be anything good, and I desperately wish I hadn't been right about that.

According to Mulder, I am going to see certain people here who will cause various reactions in me. These will range from confusion to mild amusement, and, in the very worst case, anger and fear. I've been assured that neither of us is in any danger, but I can't help feeling as if I'm walking into the lion's den.

Why isn't Alex Krycek dead? Fine, he's alive. No, not fine, but I don't know what else to say at this point. But if he's alive, where is Missy? Where is Dad? Even if I can't have them in my so-called real life, why can't I see some semblance of them in this place? A place that can supposedly shield me from the danger of the world that is so ruthlessly hunting me and my partner?

Mulder has assured me that Krycek has no interest in him, therefore, he feels safe in making the assumption that he won't be interested in me. While that is of some comfort to me, I can't help being apprehensive considering everything that has happened at the hands of that man.

I was also told that there are some clones lurking, and not to be surprised if I should stumble across the same faces with different names. I'm forcing myself to keep an open mind and not fall prey to my fears and doubts. So, here I am, having an open mind. Mulder, I hope you're paying attention.

And you had damn well better know what you're talking about.